BALLS™ Ultimate Package V2

BALLS™ Ultimate Package V2

A powerhouse trio: this is the ultimate in ball-scaping. We’re talking about our bestselling BALLS™ Trimmer, a pair of SackSafe™ Blades to keep you going, and our specially formulated BALLS™ Lotion for the freshest of grooming aftercare

$99
BALLS™ Ultimate Package V2

BALLS™ Ultimate Package V2

Balls Trimmer

Balls Lotion

3 SackSafe Blades

BALLS™ Ultimate Package V2+ Subscription

$99

Add to cart

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

before your next shag

After football

In the shower

Before a night at the pub

Before a bad decision

Designed with
Your Junk in Mind

SackSafe Guard

Adjustable guard designed to protect from nicks & snags

Blades of Glory

Precision, ceramic blades designed to glide through your underbrush

Waterproof AF

Trim wet or dry, however you please, with a tight waterproof casing

Powerful Motor

6200rpm motor that won’t quit, easily rechargeable for constant use.

Frequently Asked Questions

How does this thing work?

We use SackSafe Guards as well as top-quality micro-trimming teeth, black ceramic blades which glide across skin causing zero sensitivity and a 6,200 RPM motor that’s ideally tuned to trim hair of all thicknesses and textures. This minimizes tugs, nicks, pulls, and snags. Unlike your partner, the blades come lubricated and ready to go!
What’s up with the blade subscription?

It’s not just about receiving a fresh blade of glory every 3 months to keep your package pristine, it’s also about surprise gifts, cool collectables, and hilarious exclusive content. Your subscription comes with our “Balls of Steel” warranty. This means that even if you’ve had your trimmer for years, we will fix or replace anything to keep your balls safe and happy. Our 24/7 customer support with real humans is balls to the wall. You can cancel anytime after your first charge, or pause the subscription whenever you want. Pulling out of your subscription doesn’t mean headaches or drama like it does with your partner.
What are the specs?

6,200RPM Motor that purrs like a kitten Battery Ni-MH 600mAh*2 (if you know what this means, you might be a scientist or engineer and we pray your balls are getting some action) Running time: 1 hour (that’s longer than your partner) USB Charging cable 12v (you don’t have enough cables) Waterproof & Shock-resistant casing - to keep you from slipping up.
Can I use the trimmer on my body?

The Balls™ Trimmer is designed for sensitive areas, not just balls! It works great as a body trimmer. It even performs like a champ on the bearded clam. And don’t forget your butt crack.
Do you offer any warranty?

You bet we do! We have a killer customer service team with an incredible satisfaction record. (unlike your partner). We aren’t satisfied until you are. Our team of real humans will happily offer free replacements if anything goes wrong within a year. But wait! There’s more. If you opt into our Blades of Glory subscription program, you will part of our “Balls of Steel” warranty which covers your BALLS trimmer and all its parts for years. No questions asked.
Will my life be changed forever?

We aren’t making any grandiose promises here, but if trimming your bush makes your main member look taller, gives you more of that quiet confidence and swagger, and makes you smell and itch less…well, then, your dating and mating life might see some drastic improvements. From there, the possibilities are endless. Our trimmer might lead to the best date of your life. You could fall in love and have an offspring that turns into the next Elon Musk. You’ll retire at 45 and be set for life. Dream big, bruh.
What does it come with?

BALLS™ Trimmer SackSafe™ Blade Adjustable SackSafe™ Guard BALLS™ Cradle Cleaning Brush USB charging cable

BALLS™ Trimmer vs others

Customer Reviews

Your BALLS are in our Hands

We’ll teach
you how
to start

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