Trimming Your Balls in 9 Easy Steps
Apr 27, 2022
Congratulations! If you’re reading this it means you are man enough to know by now that shaving your balls is the “it” thing to do. It’s the right thing to do. In fact, if this pandemic never ends, it might be the ONLY thing to do. You’ve come to terms with your unruly bush and have accepted that it must be managed before it's overgrown and starts tangling up your trousers. Who knows what sort of bacteria and microscopic animal life is forming in there?
Once acceptance has been achieved, we must now turn to action if we want to see real change happen. This is the time to call upon your inner landscaper, hand him the proper tools, and tell him to get to work. There’s nothing to be afraid of while you stare lovingly at your reflection in the mirror, ball trimmer in hand. Why? Because we are about to guide you through the step by step process of creating balls as smooth as you are, Romeo.
Step 1.) CHARGE YOUR TRIMMER
Clear the clutter from your countertop, Kevin. It’s time to make room for your charging cable and trimmer. When fully charged, your battery will last all day. OR all night (wink)
Step 2.) ATTACH SAFE SACK GUARD
Wrap your manly manicured hands (Ok, maybe that’s taking it a bit too far) around your “Safe Sack” guard and attach it to the trimmer. Click! Nice. See? You’ve got it. Doing great so far. And if you’re really daring, feel free to not attach it for an even closer shave. However, trim at your own risk.
Step 3.) FIND A PRIVATE SPOT
This should go without saying but you’d be surprised how many of our customers think showing off their shaving skills in public is a good idea. It isn’t. Also note: neighbors and children are known for being nosy. Privacy is key here.
Step 4.) ASSUME THE POSITION
And what is “the position” you ask? That’s the thing! The possibilities are as unique and endless as you and your farts, gents. Some like to be seated on the throne, others prefer to do it in the shower. Just make sure to clean up after yourself so that the lovers in your life will also want to “do it” in the shower.
Step 5.) WRINKLE-FREE SURFACE
We all know what happens when your fragile dumplings are exposed to the cold. Keep them steamy, smooth, and ready to serve at this step of your balls trimming journey. This might be a good time to introduce some of our BALLS wash. No need to go crazy. Just spread a thin layer over the ballsack to let your boys know they are going to be safe.
Step 6.) SHAVE ALONG THE SHAFT
Start at the top of your shaft... The main event, if you will. Then, proceed along your twin teabags. Easy does it. Like gliding over two fuzzy tennis balls. You got this.
Step 7.) CLEANSE AND DEODORIZE
Whether you use our products or your own, now comes the time to squeeze, slather, and lather. Wash that bod as well as those balls. If you’re really committed to the game, you’ll want to follow up your wash with our signature deodorant lotion for balls. Wait, lotion deodorant? Yes. It’s a magical lotion AND deodorant all in one. You’re welcome.
Balls are kind of gross. This will make them less gross.
Step 8.) DRY OFF AND ADMIRE
While keeping the privacy rule in mind, proceed to the satisfying eighth step of drying off your freshly polished family jewels. If your backyard bushes are big enough, step out onto your veranda and air dry. Or borrow your ladies’ hair dryer for a quick blow. Then, take a deep breath and admire your handiwork.
Step 9.) KEEP YOUR TRIMMER FIT
Keep this process streamlined and up to snuff by replacing your blades every 3 months. This will keep your trimming game sharp and ready for whatever life throws at you. This is a no brainer for your crotch brain. Our subscription options make this easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Gentlemen, the ball is in your court!