From “South Park” to what you might unknowingly stumble upon in a seedy city park, we’ve got six showstopping costume ideas for you and your dangly bits. Whether you want to dress to impress, conjure up a laugh, or hide your ugly mug beneath a mask, we’ve got you covered.
How does the saying go? “If you got it, flaunt it?”
We’ll leave it up to you to decide if these fellas made the right choice in showing off what their mamas gave them for Halloween. Some are a little scary, some a little spooky, and some are downright cooky. Pick your poison, boys
#1- The Classic American Cowboy
You might have to be cut out of your jeans after a night of gorging on Halloween candy, but everyone will be crystal clear on exactly what sort of package you’re handing out as a treat. But buyer beware: there won’t be any wiggle room for nabbed sweets.
#2- The Ultimate Gift
For kicks and giggles may we suggest the timeless “Dick in a Box” of Saturday Night Live fame? Grab some wrapping paper, a purple shirt, some sunglasses, a nifty blazer, an empty box, and a gold chain and call it a day. It’s a costume, a present, and a display of utter humility all in one.
#3- “The Ultimate Gift--but make it Stephen King”
For a scary spin on this Justin Timberlake classic, check out this bloody “Dick in a Box.” A little comedic gore never hurt anyone. Or did it? Two words: Ewwww and OUCH. Ok, and one more: HAHAHA.
#4- Mr. Big Balling
If you’re one of the lucky few who lives in a warm climate on Halloween and really wants to scare the neighborhood kids, look at this incredible “Old Man Balls” get up. It looks like he might actually be a BALLS trimmer customer. So smooth! Or is that a result of them dragging on the ground 24/7?
#5- Unabashed Brazilian Balls
This next costume might truly be our favorite. Someone in Brazil had the balls to create a “Mr. Balls” mascot that roams around a theme park raising awareness to both adults and children alike of the dangers of testicular cancer. Which begs the question: Which is more dangerous? Testicular cancer or children viewing this absolutely frightening monstrosity?
And last but certainly not least..
#6- “Women Love Them”
According to Randy on South Park, women love huge balls. You could put his assertion to the test by carting around this costume and seeing how many comments and looks you get. Plenty of room for Halloween candy to nestle between your bulging sacks.
No matter what you decide to wear this Halloween, don’t get caught in a hairy situation. Nobody wants to be basic or have a set of basic balls. Our trimmer promises no nicks or cuts: just balls as smooth as you are.
Happy Balloween from the Balls team. Stay safe and smooth out there.